An Attitude of Gratitude

In life, there are so many things to be grateful for; it's easy to overlook the majority of them. Sometimes, I consider myself a grateful person. Then, I write a list of 10 things that I am thankful for and I always have more to say by the end. I write a "Thank You" note to someone and realize something stunning: I have been blind. With eyes downcast, I missed the setting sun and how beautifully it illuminated the snow upon the mountains, turning white to pink and gold. I only thought, "Man, I'm cold."

Last semester, in one of my classes, we discussed the idea of gratitude journals. The idea is actually quite simple. Take this test, the Fordyce Emotions Questionare, to measure your current happiness. Every night for 3 weeks, write in a journal 5 things that you are grateful for. (I prefer 10.) At the end of the 3 weeks, take the test again and look at the difference between the two. As you take the time each night to ponder your blessings, your satisfaction with life will increase.

If you believe in a higher power, or have even considered the possibility, I challenge you to ask yourself one more question: How have I seen God's hand in my life today?

Miracles happen all the time. We just have to open our eyes to see them.

A Christmas Thought

All these people, so-called friends

See me wounded, yet, they pass

I struggle on, barely awake

Wondering why I'm so alone.

Perhaps they did not look to see

My limping gait and shallow breath

Or if my weakness saw, by chance,

Were caught up in their daily grind.

Then I stumble on a rock

No steady hand to catch my fall

The razor rocks splitting my skin

Oh where is he willing to stop?

Who'll take a second look and see

What feeble strength is giving way

Who'll wrap me in his warmest coat

And carry me into the inn?

I wonder as a figure nears

Will he stop to lift me up,

Quench my thirst, offer support,

And call his name Samaritan?

Christmas should be just that: a time to honor Christ. 

What better way to do that than to emulate his example? Christ was the "Good Samaritan" in his parable; he is always there to lift us up and put our welfare before his own. The Samaritan paid the innkeeper in advance and said that any excess debt incurred, he would pay upon return. Christ did that for each of us through his Atonement for his sins.

So many people hide their struggles and put on a brave face; however, if we are willing to take a second glance, we will find plenty of opportunities to serve our fellow-man. We can emulate the Spirit of Christmas by showing compassion, love, and patience to others. Give someone the benefit of the doubt this week; instead of frustration, show love and observe how the situation changes. You may be surprised what you find.

Starry Nights

Oh starry nights,

Flickering lights,

That knowingly

Wink down at me,

Stirring from deep

Within my sleep

Remembrance of

A father's love.

My heart doth stir;

This is my cure,

My starry nights

With flick'ring lights

When I feel lost,

So tempest-tossed.

I watch this sight:

Stars burning bright.

Then, like a dove,

I feel your love

Uplift my soul

And make me whole.

What hope ignites

From flick'ring lights.

Those Teaching Moments

This post is dedicated to my lovely mother.

Looking back, not all of my memories of my mother are fond ones; however, she did so much, loved so much, and tried so hard. She helped make me who I am today. One thing she taught me at a young age was the importance of prayer. She changed my perspective on my relationship with God and I have held to that in times of trouble and of joy.

As a child, I used to have frequent nightmares. I would wake up frightened and run to my mom's room. I didn't want to wake her up, but I wanted to be by her to feel that safety associated with a mother's presence. Yet, she always knew I was there. When she woke up to me lying with a blanket on her floor, her first question was, "Have you said a prayer?" She taught me to pray for the Lord to help me to feel safe and go back to sleep. This lesson carried over to all aspects of my life.

Growing up with divorced parents, it was hard not having my dad around all the time. I didn't understand why he just wasn't there. I remember being angry with my father and feeling alone and less than. It was Father's Day and my dad was a few states away. I asked my mom if I still had to go up and sing with all the other primary children because Daddy wouldn't be there.

She stopped getting ready, walked over to me and knelt down. She told me how sorry she was that Daddy wasn't around. However, I always had a dad who was there. He would never miss a single event, big or small, in my life. She told me to sing to my Heavenly Father.

This forever changed my view of God and strengthened my faith in and relationship with my Eternal Father. I have been able to get through so much in life because I knew that He was there. Some may think that this could have diminished my relationship with my dad; yet, this was not the case. I was able to recall the Lord's command to "honor thy father and thy mother", and accept my father's efforts. I have been able to build our relationship and rely on him in times of trouble. To those who ask about our relationship now, I typically include this simple phrase within my response: My dad is one of my best friends. 

Thanks, Mom.

Breaking the Surface

Here is something I wrote a long time ago.

Something I have been starting to learn lately is that it's okay to not be okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. Sometimes, you need to reach up and grab hold of someone's helping hand to help you pull yourself from the depths. However, that requires you to be real, to be sincere. Being real is being willing to be yourself and own what you feel, to admit that you are scared or hurting, that you aren't perfect, that everyone -yourself included- needs help to survive.

So, here is me being real.

Breaking the Surface

Try to keep your head above
As waves come hard and fast.
They're crashing down, always
Attempting to bury you below.
Fight your way to the top,
Gasping out for breath.

Stay above the surface.
Don't let yourself go.
Don't stop fighting,
Else, you'll sink below.
So many depend on you;
Don't let them down.

Stay above the surface.
Don't lose your fight.
Keep on trying and flailing
Make your bandage seamless
To hide how much you're bleeding
From the rocks within the water.

Stay above the surface
As you twist and turn
When will you reach the air
Gasping in the sun?
All you see is drowning
All you see is tears.

That Bitter Cup

Lord, I've begun to stall in life

Through blind focus on my own strife.

But what of Christ? Gethsemane?

He bled and cried in prayer for me.

Remembering that bitter cup

And how he said, "I'll drink it up,"

Sober streams from my eyes.

Truth in His words. I realize

He suffered not for sin alone

Though did for all the world atone.

How great His love; He bore my pain

So that he might erase all stain.

Always there's Him to show me care

When neighb'ring men are unaware.

He stands etern'ly at my door.

''Oh, let me in,'' He doth implore.

''Each drop I shed, I gave you grace,
More than the tears upon your face.

I feel each strain upon your back.

Giving you strength when ye lack.''

He whispers peace to my heart

For all to me He doth impart,
I turn my face up to the sun
And praise the Lord, the Holy One.

Listen Up

 “Did I say something wrong? ... Maybe you just needed someone to listen to your heart. Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I said too much. Now that my face is blue, I think it’s time to listen up.”

That is a snippet of a song by Brandon Heath that I became extremely attached to over the summer. I especially like the line, “Maybe you just needed someone to listen to your heart.” How often do you feel that way? How often do you give another person that same patience and kindness that you search for? Do we wait until our face is blue?

What is Listening?

While I have always considered myself a caring person, listening has been one of my weak points for a long time. I used to think listening was merely waiting to talk until someone had finished speaking. I also thought that I needed to “further conversation” through responding with questions, comments, and similar experiences. This actually led to a lack of listening on my part; I would get so focused on figuring out how to respond that I would miss important parts of what was being conveyed. I could not as Shakespeare said, “Hear the meaning behind the words.”

Finally, a guy I was dating told me that he felt as though I didn’t listen to or care about what he said. After that, I spent the next two days reflecting on my behavior. I realized that he was right; I did not do a very good job at really focusing on others as I listened to them. Since then, improving my ability to listen to others has been a major focus of mine.

Due to that, I found some training required for work extremely helpful. “Active listening: More than just paying attention” byKathryn Robertson caught my focus. In it, active listening is defined as giving free and undivided attention to the speaker. Free attention is then described as giving your whole awareness and attention to the other person, listening with engagement and appreciation. It also listed and explained common roadblocks to communication. I was able to identify several of them in my normal interactions with others.

Roadblocks to Communication

“In some ways active listening is characterized more by what is not done, than what is done. (Roberts 1053)”

1.       Judging

-          Criticizing

-          Name calling or labeling

-          Diagnosing

-          Appraising

2.       Suggesting Solutions

-          Ordering

-          Threatening

-          Moralizing

-          Excessive/inappropriate questioning

-          advising

3.       Avoiding the other’s concerns

-          Diverting

-          Logical argument

-          Reassuring

 This information, combined with the reflective listening techniques, has allowed me to begin replacing roadblocks with more constructive comments. Instead of stating my opinion, I can rephrase and restate what the other person has just said, in a way that will facilitate more exploration and explanation. It is astounding sometimes how much I open up when someone redresses an idea or feeling that I just expressed. It gives me permission to continue on that subject. It makes me feel heard. I’m sure many, if not all, of you have felt the same.

Behind the Words

“You can learn to be a better listener, but learning it is not like learning a skill that is added to what we know. It is a peeling away of things that interfere with listening, our preoccupations, our fear, of how we might respond to what we hear.” Ian McWhinney

As I focused, in my personal life, on using reflective listening techniques and letting the other person do the majority of the talking, I found myself much more at ease, less distracted, and able to later recall more of what was discussed. When my friend and I were talking in the car one night, I decided to just listen. While I would answer questions and comment from time to time, I really let him direct the conversation. I greatly enjoyed just listening to him and learning more about his background and his personality. Because I was more focused on him, I was able to gauge and interpret breaks in speech in a way I usually could not before. Not only did I gain knowledge about him, I gained a better understanding of him. This understanding then led to a greater appreciation and love for who he is as a person.

 Doctrine and Covenants 88:122 says to “let one speak at a time and let all listen unto his sayings, that when all have spoken that all may be edified of all.” In Christ’s ministry, the stories of his miracles often begin with people seeking him out, telling their story, and asking for his help. In Luke 5:22, Jesus was able to perceive the thoughts of the Pharisees and Scribes. So, why then would Christ wait, listening to each plea and asking questions, when he already knew what troubled each soul and how to ease that burden? 

Could learning to LISTEN be at the core of learning to LOVE?