Blossom Rose

This is for all of the wonderful people I have met in my life who have taught me what true love is. Written from the perspective of a mother whose child was born with a disability. 

Well, you were born perfect to me:
Almond eyes and a button nose.
What a beautiful sight to see,
My tender blossom rose.

They told me to give up hope
You'll never live a normal life
That it's selfish in this scope
To keep you in such strife.

But I decided you were mine
To care for and protect for time
I didn't need a bigger sign
Than your smile, beauty sublime.

You'll walk and talk, but never learn
Arithmetic or cursive
Yet nothing in the world could earn
The love you freely give.

They told me all the faults in you
Yet they never saw ahead
How you would change my view
And make life so blessed.

Now, you're still perfect to me:
Almond eyes and a button nose.
What a beautiful sight to see,
My tender blossom rose.

Those Teaching Moments

This post is dedicated to my lovely mother.

Looking back, not all of my memories of my mother are fond ones; however, she did so much, loved so much, and tried so hard. She helped make me who I am today. One thing she taught me at a young age was the importance of prayer. She changed my perspective on my relationship with God and I have held to that in times of trouble and of joy.

As a child, I used to have frequent nightmares. I would wake up frightened and run to my mom's room. I didn't want to wake her up, but I wanted to be by her to feel that safety associated with a mother's presence. Yet, she always knew I was there. When she woke up to me lying with a blanket on her floor, her first question was, "Have you said a prayer?" She taught me to pray for the Lord to help me to feel safe and go back to sleep. This lesson carried over to all aspects of my life.

Growing up with divorced parents, it was hard not having my dad around all the time. I didn't understand why he just wasn't there. I remember being angry with my father and feeling alone and less than. It was Father's Day and my dad was a few states away. I asked my mom if I still had to go up and sing with all the other primary children because Daddy wouldn't be there.

She stopped getting ready, walked over to me and knelt down. She told me how sorry she was that Daddy wasn't around. However, I always had a dad who was there. He would never miss a single event, big or small, in my life. She told me to sing to my Heavenly Father.

This forever changed my view of God and strengthened my faith in and relationship with my Eternal Father. I have been able to get through so much in life because I knew that He was there. Some may think that this could have diminished my relationship with my dad; yet, this was not the case. I was able to recall the Lord's command to "honor thy father and thy mother", and accept my father's efforts. I have been able to build our relationship and rely on him in times of trouble. To those who ask about our relationship now, I typically include this simple phrase within my response: My dad is one of my best friends. 

Thanks, Mom.

Listen Up

 “Did I say something wrong? ... Maybe you just needed someone to listen to your heart. Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I said too much. Now that my face is blue, I think it’s time to listen up.”

That is a snippet of a song by Brandon Heath that I became extremely attached to over the summer. I especially like the line, “Maybe you just needed someone to listen to your heart.” How often do you feel that way? How often do you give another person that same patience and kindness that you search for? Do we wait until our face is blue?

What is Listening?

While I have always considered myself a caring person, listening has been one of my weak points for a long time. I used to think listening was merely waiting to talk until someone had finished speaking. I also thought that I needed to “further conversation” through responding with questions, comments, and similar experiences. This actually led to a lack of listening on my part; I would get so focused on figuring out how to respond that I would miss important parts of what was being conveyed. I could not as Shakespeare said, “Hear the meaning behind the words.”

Finally, a guy I was dating told me that he felt as though I didn’t listen to or care about what he said. After that, I spent the next two days reflecting on my behavior. I realized that he was right; I did not do a very good job at really focusing on others as I listened to them. Since then, improving my ability to listen to others has been a major focus of mine.

Due to that, I found some training required for work extremely helpful. “Active listening: More than just paying attention” byKathryn Robertson caught my focus. In it, active listening is defined as giving free and undivided attention to the speaker. Free attention is then described as giving your whole awareness and attention to the other person, listening with engagement and appreciation. It also listed and explained common roadblocks to communication. I was able to identify several of them in my normal interactions with others.

Roadblocks to Communication

“In some ways active listening is characterized more by what is not done, than what is done. (Roberts 1053)”

1.       Judging

-          Criticizing

-          Name calling or labeling

-          Diagnosing

-          Appraising

2.       Suggesting Solutions

-          Ordering

-          Threatening

-          Moralizing

-          Excessive/inappropriate questioning

-          advising

3.       Avoiding the other’s concerns

-          Diverting

-          Logical argument

-          Reassuring

 This information, combined with the reflective listening techniques, has allowed me to begin replacing roadblocks with more constructive comments. Instead of stating my opinion, I can rephrase and restate what the other person has just said, in a way that will facilitate more exploration and explanation. It is astounding sometimes how much I open up when someone redresses an idea or feeling that I just expressed. It gives me permission to continue on that subject. It makes me feel heard. I’m sure many, if not all, of you have felt the same.

Behind the Words

“You can learn to be a better listener, but learning it is not like learning a skill that is added to what we know. It is a peeling away of things that interfere with listening, our preoccupations, our fear, of how we might respond to what we hear.” Ian McWhinney

As I focused, in my personal life, on using reflective listening techniques and letting the other person do the majority of the talking, I found myself much more at ease, less distracted, and able to later recall more of what was discussed. When my friend and I were talking in the car one night, I decided to just listen. While I would answer questions and comment from time to time, I really let him direct the conversation. I greatly enjoyed just listening to him and learning more about his background and his personality. Because I was more focused on him, I was able to gauge and interpret breaks in speech in a way I usually could not before. Not only did I gain knowledge about him, I gained a better understanding of him. This understanding then led to a greater appreciation and love for who he is as a person.

 Doctrine and Covenants 88:122 says to “let one speak at a time and let all listen unto his sayings, that when all have spoken that all may be edified of all.” In Christ’s ministry, the stories of his miracles often begin with people seeking him out, telling their story, and asking for his help. In Luke 5:22, Jesus was able to perceive the thoughts of the Pharisees and Scribes. So, why then would Christ wait, listening to each plea and asking questions, when he already knew what troubled each soul and how to ease that burden? 

Could learning to LISTEN be at the core of learning to LOVE?