Words of Pride

My soul sorrows within me now
From the mem'ry of my sins;
If I truly loved my Savior,
Would I mock my brother's faults?

I put my worth above his own
Through unkind words, a petty vice,
But truly just abased myself;
True virtue need not prove it's there.

Oh, Lord, my God, forgive me as
I covenant anew with thee,
Partaking of your flesh and blood,
Allowing you to make me clean.

Deciding now to be your hands
To lift my brother from the dust.
Bury all my pride and folly;
Consecrate my time and heart.

As your disciple, teach me how
To be a city on a hill.
I need your help, please let me see
The worth of others unto thee.

Where Do I Belong?

Sometimes, it can feel like you don't belong. Maybe it is with your friends, your co-workers, or just the world in general. 

For me, I feel like that a lot. I have many acquaintances, but few close friends. I don't have a group of friends that I hang out with regularly. Much of that is due to how busy I like to be, and part of it is self-imposed. I love to socialize, yet sometimes, I just feel out of the loop. Like there is something greater than the everyday gossip and movies. Some higher purpose that I should be working towards. So, I take some time by myself to figure out what that is. Now, I know.

I know that I am heading somewhere better and working to make someone proud. Since high school, I have taken solace in the fact that I don't belong here. One day, I will return to my Father. Until then, "I can go the distance." Will you?

Those Teaching Moments

This post is dedicated to my lovely mother.

Looking back, not all of my memories of my mother are fond ones; however, she did so much, loved so much, and tried so hard. She helped make me who I am today. One thing she taught me at a young age was the importance of prayer. She changed my perspective on my relationship with God and I have held to that in times of trouble and of joy.

As a child, I used to have frequent nightmares. I would wake up frightened and run to my mom's room. I didn't want to wake her up, but I wanted to be by her to feel that safety associated with a mother's presence. Yet, she always knew I was there. When she woke up to me lying with a blanket on her floor, her first question was, "Have you said a prayer?" She taught me to pray for the Lord to help me to feel safe and go back to sleep. This lesson carried over to all aspects of my life.

Growing up with divorced parents, it was hard not having my dad around all the time. I didn't understand why he just wasn't there. I remember being angry with my father and feeling alone and less than. It was Father's Day and my dad was a few states away. I asked my mom if I still had to go up and sing with all the other primary children because Daddy wouldn't be there.

She stopped getting ready, walked over to me and knelt down. She told me how sorry she was that Daddy wasn't around. However, I always had a dad who was there. He would never miss a single event, big or small, in my life. She told me to sing to my Heavenly Father.

This forever changed my view of God and strengthened my faith in and relationship with my Eternal Father. I have been able to get through so much in life because I knew that He was there. Some may think that this could have diminished my relationship with my dad; yet, this was not the case. I was able to recall the Lord's command to "honor thy father and thy mother", and accept my father's efforts. I have been able to build our relationship and rely on him in times of trouble. To those who ask about our relationship now, I typically include this simple phrase within my response: My dad is one of my best friends. 

Thanks, Mom.

That Bitter Cup

Lord, I've begun to stall in life

Through blind focus on my own strife.

But what of Christ? Gethsemane?

He bled and cried in prayer for me.

Remembering that bitter cup

And how he said, "I'll drink it up,"

Sober streams from my eyes.

Truth in His words. I realize

He suffered not for sin alone

Though did for all the world atone.

How great His love; He bore my pain

So that he might erase all stain.

Always there's Him to show me care

When neighb'ring men are unaware.

He stands etern'ly at my door.

''Oh, let me in,'' He doth implore.

''Each drop I shed, I gave you grace,
More than the tears upon your face.

I feel each strain upon your back.

Giving you strength when ye lack.''

He whispers peace to my heart

For all to me He doth impart,
I turn my face up to the sun
And praise the Lord, the Holy One.

Finding Grace

Folded arms, bowing head,
Streaming tears upon my bed.
Pretense gone, lies forsook
Staring at that open book
Piercing words, parable,
Leads me to defer control.
Melting stone, changing heart
Filling in a missing part.
Speaking truth, hidden fears
Crying out till hope appears.
Searching soul, finding grace
Now safe within thy warm embrace.
Broken door, open wide
Lets him rush forth to my side.
Peaceful calm, He doth send
Oh Savior, my best friend.