Where Do I Belong?

Sometimes, it can feel like you don't belong. Maybe it is with your friends, your co-workers, or just the world in general. 

For me, I feel like that a lot. I have many acquaintances, but few close friends. I don't have a group of friends that I hang out with regularly. Much of that is due to how busy I like to be, and part of it is self-imposed. I love to socialize, yet sometimes, I just feel out of the loop. Like there is something greater than the everyday gossip and movies. Some higher purpose that I should be working towards. So, I take some time by myself to figure out what that is. Now, I know.

I know that I am heading somewhere better and working to make someone proud. Since high school, I have taken solace in the fact that I don't belong here. One day, I will return to my Father. Until then, "I can go the distance." Will you?

Composed Upon Westminster Bridge

A moving poem by William Wordsworth. Just perfect. I am definitely going to read this over the Thames when I'm in London this spring. =)
I think sometimes we all need a little reminder about the beauty all around us.

Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
This City now doth, like a garment, wear
The beauty of the morning; silent, bare,
Ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples lie
Open unto the fields, and to the sky;
All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.
Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his first splendour, valley, rock, or hill;
Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep!
The river glideth at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very houses seem asleep;
And all that mighty heart is lying still!

His Nothing Box

I was introduced to an interesting theory when I was hanging out with some friends yesterday. It explains the difference between how guys and girls brains work. Intrigued? Haha, I was.

The Nothing Box

So, apparently, guys have a room with a lot of shelves. These shelves contain boxes. Each box contains a different category of information. Therefore, the boxes cannot touch. That would be bad. I imagined it to look something like this. (Maybe with labels.)

When the subject is say, birds, the guy goes to his bird box and looks in at everything he knows about birds. He can then utilize that information in conversation. As soon as the subject changes, he packs up that box and goes to the next one. 

Sometimes, he won't have anything to do (or just feels like a break) so he grabs his nothing box and looks inside. This box is special because it contains nothing. Apparently, a guy can stay looking at his nothing box for a very long time. So, when he says he's thinking about nothing, chances are: he's actually thinking about nothing. Astounding! 

The Notecard

Most girls (myself included) are constantly baffled by "his nothing box". Perhaps this stems from the difference in the organization of minds. Many women, it is theorized, have more of a note card than a box. This note card is then attached to a string. This string leads to another note card and so on and so forth, looking something like this:

 

Often, the breakdown occurs when a woman jumps to the next note card and the man hurries to put away his current box and find the next one. By the time he has that subject ready to go, she has moved on again and he is lost wondering how a termite became a lion.

After discussing this, I decided to try to be courteous to the only male among three women. He was very grateful when I announced, "Changing topics, blah blah blah." It was pretty entertaining.

*Disclaimer: I did say this was a theory. It does not explain everything nor pertain to all situations. Hope you got a laugh! =)

An Attitude of Gratitude

In life, there are so many things to be grateful for; it's easy to overlook the majority of them. Sometimes, I consider myself a grateful person. Then, I write a list of 10 things that I am thankful for and I always have more to say by the end. I write a "Thank You" note to someone and realize something stunning: I have been blind. With eyes downcast, I missed the setting sun and how beautifully it illuminated the snow upon the mountains, turning white to pink and gold. I only thought, "Man, I'm cold."

Last semester, in one of my classes, we discussed the idea of gratitude journals. The idea is actually quite simple. Take this test, the Fordyce Emotions Questionare, to measure your current happiness. Every night for 3 weeks, write in a journal 5 things that you are grateful for. (I prefer 10.) At the end of the 3 weeks, take the test again and look at the difference between the two. As you take the time each night to ponder your blessings, your satisfaction with life will increase.

If you believe in a higher power, or have even considered the possibility, I challenge you to ask yourself one more question: How have I seen God's hand in my life today?

Miracles happen all the time. We just have to open our eyes to see them.

A Christmas Thought

All these people, so-called friends

See me wounded, yet, they pass

I struggle on, barely awake

Wondering why I'm so alone.

Perhaps they did not look to see

My limping gait and shallow breath

Or if my weakness saw, by chance,

Were caught up in their daily grind.

Then I stumble on a rock

No steady hand to catch my fall

The razor rocks splitting my skin

Oh where is he willing to stop?

Who'll take a second look and see

What feeble strength is giving way

Who'll wrap me in his warmest coat

And carry me into the inn?

I wonder as a figure nears

Will he stop to lift me up,

Quench my thirst, offer support,

And call his name Samaritan?

Christmas should be just that: a time to honor Christ. 

What better way to do that than to emulate his example? Christ was the "Good Samaritan" in his parable; he is always there to lift us up and put our welfare before his own. The Samaritan paid the innkeeper in advance and said that any excess debt incurred, he would pay upon return. Christ did that for each of us through his Atonement for his sins.

So many people hide their struggles and put on a brave face; however, if we are willing to take a second glance, we will find plenty of opportunities to serve our fellow-man. We can emulate the Spirit of Christmas by showing compassion, love, and patience to others. Give someone the benefit of the doubt this week; instead of frustration, show love and observe how the situation changes. You may be surprised what you find.

Starry Nights

Oh starry nights,

Flickering lights,

That knowingly

Wink down at me,

Stirring from deep

Within my sleep

Remembrance of

A father's love.

My heart doth stir;

This is my cure,

My starry nights

With flick'ring lights

When I feel lost,

So tempest-tossed.

I watch this sight:

Stars burning bright.

Then, like a dove,

I feel your love

Uplift my soul

And make me whole.

What hope ignites

From flick'ring lights.

Those Teaching Moments

This post is dedicated to my lovely mother.

Looking back, not all of my memories of my mother are fond ones; however, she did so much, loved so much, and tried so hard. She helped make me who I am today. One thing she taught me at a young age was the importance of prayer. She changed my perspective on my relationship with God and I have held to that in times of trouble and of joy.

As a child, I used to have frequent nightmares. I would wake up frightened and run to my mom's room. I didn't want to wake her up, but I wanted to be by her to feel that safety associated with a mother's presence. Yet, she always knew I was there. When she woke up to me lying with a blanket on her floor, her first question was, "Have you said a prayer?" She taught me to pray for the Lord to help me to feel safe and go back to sleep. This lesson carried over to all aspects of my life.

Growing up with divorced parents, it was hard not having my dad around all the time. I didn't understand why he just wasn't there. I remember being angry with my father and feeling alone and less than. It was Father's Day and my dad was a few states away. I asked my mom if I still had to go up and sing with all the other primary children because Daddy wouldn't be there.

She stopped getting ready, walked over to me and knelt down. She told me how sorry she was that Daddy wasn't around. However, I always had a dad who was there. He would never miss a single event, big or small, in my life. She told me to sing to my Heavenly Father.

This forever changed my view of God and strengthened my faith in and relationship with my Eternal Father. I have been able to get through so much in life because I knew that He was there. Some may think that this could have diminished my relationship with my dad; yet, this was not the case. I was able to recall the Lord's command to "honor thy father and thy mother", and accept my father's efforts. I have been able to build our relationship and rely on him in times of trouble. To those who ask about our relationship now, I typically include this simple phrase within my response: My dad is one of my best friends. 

Thanks, Mom.